Talk about trying to have your cake and eat it too, BMW has announced its plans to maintain a bizarre parallel universe where petrol and electrons coexist in perfect harmony – at least until the regulators come knocking.
The German automaker, apparently suffering from a severe case of commitment issues, has declared that their iconic M3 will simultaneously exist in two forms: one that drinks dinosaur juice and another that feeds on electrons . It’s like watching your favorite rock star attempt to release both a heavy metal album and a meditation soundtrack on the same day.
The electric variant, sporting the totally-not-compensating-for-anything quad-motor setup with a whopping 746kW , will share showroom space with its combustion-powered “brother” – because apparently, sibling rivalry is still alive and well in Munich. BMW M’s vice president Sylvia Neubauer assures us they’re “prepared for the future” while desperately clinging to the past.
In a twist that would make George Orwell proud, BMW M CEO Frank van Meel philosophically mused, “An M3 is a promise, not an engine” . This coming from the same company that’s working overtime to make their electric cars sound like petrol ones, complete with artificial engine noises.
The electric M3 will even feature something called the ‘Heart of Joy’ – a renamed version of what they used to call the ‘Hand of God’ control unit . Because nothing says “we’re embracing the future” quite like rebranding your computer systems with increasingly whimsical names.
There is, however, one slight catch to this electrical enlightenment: weight. The new electric performance cars will be significantly heavier than their fossil-fueled ancestors, with current electric models tipping the scales at a svelte 2.3 tonnes – about as sporty as a pequod-class whaling ship . But fear not! BMW assures us they can make it “feel” lighter through clever engineering, which is basically the automotive equivalent of Instagram filters for physics.
The company promises this dual-personality M3 will arrive by 2028 , giving us plenty of time to ponder whether this is brilliant market adaptation or just BMW having the world’s most expensive hedge-betting habit. Either way, it seems the future of performance cars will be both shaken AND stirred.
